Benefits of Unhappiness

If you are ever unhappy, you are accountable for it. There is always a reason why you choose to be unhappy. In some way, you are benefitting from being unhappy. Getting in touch with that reason is the purpose of this article.

It's not whether you want to be happy and it's not whether you should be happy. You can want to be happy, but your desire to be unhappy may be stronger. And it's not whether you should be happy because telling yourself that you should behave a particular way means that you are fighting your genuine self in order to conform to societal pressure.

Happiness comes down to your own personal choice. It is having a willful desire to be happy despite what has happened in your life. You have to be OK with being happy regardless of what did happen or what is currently happening.

Being OK with being happy means that you are willing to let go of the benefits that unhappiness brings. Being unhappy can be very safe. Such benefits include avoiding the fear of letting go or moving on before you feel the time is appropriate.

It all comes down to your relationship with yourself. You choose to be upset and miserable because it works for how you define yourself. You may have certain ideas that suffering shows love, respect, strength, or intelligence. To put it another way, what does being unhappy say about who you are?

And, conversely, what would being happy mean about you? Would it mean that are uncaring, insensitive, disrepectful, or unloving? If yes, then, turning it around, being unhappy means something good about you and being happy means something bad about who you are.

For example, using an adjective from each category above, I can write the sentence: "Being unhappy means that I am showing how much I love my deceased pet. Being happy means that I am insensitive and disrespectful about his death." In other words, we may fear that being happy at such a time is inappropriate.

What if you had a "magic pill"? My mom attended a Zingerman's workshop where they handed out bottles of mint chocolate "magic pills" that cured all problems. If the things in your life that make you unhappy such as an untrained dog, lack of money, a recent death of a loved one, could be cured by taking two "magic pills", would you take them? The dog would still be undisciplined and you wouldn't have more money, but you wouldn't be unhappy about it - would you chew those minty good pills? If not, then why not? This is the root of the benefit you are getting from being unhappy.

Here is a summary of some helpful questions:

1. Am I OK with being happy?

2. What does being unhappy say about who you are as a person? The types of values that you have? The way that others see you?

3. What benefits do I get from unhappiness?

4. If I had a "magic pill" that would not change my life, but it would take away my unhappiness, would I take it? If not, then why not?

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