Self SabotageSelf Sabotage Self sabotage is the process of holding yourself back from getting what you truly want and being authentically happy. People hold themselves back because they think that they have to be perfect in order to deserve authentic happiness. Their self perception is that they are their own worst enemies and sabotage their chances of personal success. The importance of personal development is that it provides the tools to change your self perception. As your self perception changes, you realize that you are fine just as you are and that you are the embodiment of authentic happiness. You have the blissful realization that you are not the enemy and that you can in fact break past self sabotage.
You Are Fine, Just As You Are A few years ago, I made a New Year's resolution to lose 20 pounds by that June. I imagined myself wearing cute sundresses to bar-b-ques and walking on the beach in my swim suit. I would be cool, confident, and happy just like the other young and fit people on the beach. I started eating oatmeal for breakfast and salads for lunch or dinner. One month later, I hopped on the scale and had lost a pathetic three pounds. I slowly stepped off the scale, with the very clear feeling that losing a few pounds was not worth the pain of giving up so many things that I liked to eat. That night I ate pizza with all the toppings for dinner and then felt that I had self sabotaged my diet. As I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth, I saw myself in the mirror and I thought, "You know what? I am fine just as I am." I felt authentic happiness flow through my body and I couldn't help giving my reflection a big grin. For me, that was a breakthrough moment, in which I realized that I had been comparing how I felt inside (not cool and confident) to how other people appeared to be on the outside. The thought, "I am fine just as I am" was the thought that changed my self perception and allowed me to break free from self sabotage. On the inside, I recognized that I am a good person, just as I am, and that there was no need to compare myself to other people. I had been making the assumption that other people felt confident in their swimsuits at the beach, but I didn't really know for sure. Likewise, even if I lost 20 pounds, it was no guarentee that I would have a better image of myself. In other words, I had been comparing how I felt and experienced life to how it looked like other people were experiencing their own lives, and I was assuming that their experience of life was better than mine. Just because some people looked better in a swim suit, it didn't mean that they felt better about it than I did. There were two important questions that faced me: How would I really feel if I did lose the weight (not how I imagined other, fitter people felt)? And, second, how would I feel if I didn't lose the weight?
Before, if I didn't lose the weight, my self perception would be that I self sabotage making me incapable of completing my goals. I would have felt frustrated with myself and my behavior. But, after the thought, "I am fine just as I am", my self perception dramatically shifted, leading me to feel authentically happy with my body. I had a deep knowing that if I didn't lose the weight, it wasn't because I was secretly my own worst enemy. I saw with clarity that the issue wasn't my weight, but instead how I felt about myself. I saw that my image of myself was focused on the negatives: not as fit as I could be, not as confident as I could be, etc. My self perception cast a shadow over the inspiration and authentic happiness that were just behind the clouds.
Personal Development Test Do you see yourself as a victim of self sabotage? Is your self perception focused on the negatives? Is your ideal self even attainable? If your ideal is to be taller, smarter, or very weathly, then your vision might be unrealistic and you may never match up to it. But, that is OK, because the importance of personal development is to give you the tools you need in order to realize that you don't have to be perfect before you can start going after what you want. Waiting until you are perfect is a way that people hold themselves back from trying, growing, and succeeding. Or, is your self perception one that is empowering and inspiring? Does the image of yourself encourage you to grow and expand your dreams? When you close your eyes and imagine yourself, your life, and your future possibilities are you authentically happy? After my shift in thinking that night, I found that I was less concerned with self sabotage and that my self perception was more inspiring and uplifting. After thinking, "I am fine just as I am", I felt "on top of the world" and I could see with crystal clarity that I needed to stop focusing on what I couldn't control and focus instead on losing weight in a way that felt good and inspiring. In other words, I realized that it was possible to let go of the notion of self sabotage, and with an improved self perception, I could still reach my weight loss goal. I could take actions that felt positive and inspiring, instead of focusing on the negatives. For example, instead of depriving myself of all of my favorite foods, and then wanting to self sabotage, I could still have a slice of pizza, coupled with a salad. When I balanced my diet in order to reflect my balanced self perception, I literally felt lighter and more energized. A funny thing happened...the more I practiced being balanced, the more authentic happiness I felt and the less I cared about the numbers on the scale!
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