Perception Is Reality vs. ThoughtsAbout two months ago, a new person entered my life and I find interactions with her to be very difficult. I can limit the amount of interaction with her, but I cannot remove her from my life entirely. Over the past couple of months, she has yelled in anger, personally insulting me and others. Occasionally, I have been upset, after interacting with her.
At first, I blamed her for my unhappiness and asked myself, "What is wrong with her? Why does she behave like this? Does she enjoy making other people upset?" I would replay over and over again what she said to me and sympathetic friends would shake thier heads and say, "She is a crazy control freak!" This made me feel better, because I felt that they were agreeing with me that I should be upset. After these talks with friends, I felt justified in my feelings, but only temporarily. I couldn't stop replaying the situations over and over again in my mind. And, every time I thought about it, I felt sad and angry all over again. I was walking around in a miserable state of being. I saw myself as a victim and since perception is reality, I literally felt like I was walking wounded. Then, one morning, I was able to step back and view the ordeal as though I was an outsider to the situation. In my mind's eye, I replayed her ranting and raving and viewed it from up above outside of myself. Since perception is reality, I was literally perceiving my interactions with this woman from a different point of view. And, since I perceived it differently, I saw the reality of the situation differently. A light bulb went off and I had an instantaneous shift in my thinking. It wasn't what she was saying that upset me! It was what I was saying to MYSELF about it that was so off-putting. It is always what I think about me that determines my reaction. No one else can have that kind of control over me. She isn't responsible for my being - only I am! People do not have control over you. They are not to blame for your unhappiness, anger, fear, or lack of money. I wanted to blame her for my feelings because it was easier than admitting the truth: that I was telling myself, on some deep level, that I deserved, or was to blame for, her bad behavior. It sounds crazy even as I write this, but that is the truth. I had forgotten the very simple order of things: perception is reality. Therefore, you should think first, then feel second.
This insight left me with a fresh challenge: if the order is "think first, then feel", then I needed to practice gaining control over my thoughts in order to improve my mood. The feelings that I have are the outcome of thinking the way that I am thinking. Changing my thoughts creates a different feeling. The power in this realization is staggering. It means that we all have the ability to live joyful and peaceful lives. No one has more ability in this area than someone else. We are all born with the ability to change our thoughts and thereby create the lives we wish to have. No person is born with more of this ability than someone else. Some people may be better at it than others, but that is just a level of skill and an outcome of practice. What happens outside of me means nothing. What I say to myself about it means everything.
|