Improving Self Esteem

Self-esteem is at the root of almost everything we do, therefore improving self esteem is very important. We have a habit of comparing ourselves to others and if they are treated "better", we tell ourselves that it isn't fair and we get angry and our feelings get hurt and our self-esteem lowers. Another common trap is the belief that other people control our happiness and our self-esteem.

The first word in "self-esteem" is "self". How we feel about ourselves comes from inside of us, not from others. Improving self esteem is each person's own responsibility. When you feel angry, sad, offended or hurt you may think that it is due to others actions.

However, it isn't. The negative feelings are caused by what you tell yourself. If you find out that someone is making more money than you, has a bigger house, or went to a better school, it is all just information. It doesn't have any meaning until you give it meaning. And, the meaning that you give is determined by what you, and you alone, decide that it means. It is all just information floating around in the world. It only becomes relevant to your life when you decide that it is so.

The key to improving self esteem is what we say to ourselves about the information we get and what that means about who we are. It is all in our thoughts; it is all inside of ourselves. What we say to ourselves is the true determinant of our self-esteem. What we think of ourselves is the real source of our self-esteem; it is not dependent on what others think of us. What really matters is how you view yourself, what you believe you are capable of achieving, and the actions you take to go after what you want in this life. It is all up to you; it doesn't depend on other people.

The first step on working on my own self-esteem has been to come up with better responses to the information I receive. Response skills. Your "deck of cards" for how you think about, interpret, and respond to information just needs more playing cards. Coming up with new responses has always helped me to become a better and better person. I think of how I want to be and I act accordingly. Lining up my actions to be in accordance with the type of person that I want to be, creates a wonderfully fulfilling circle. As I behave in a way that I value, I feel happier and I give myself internal praise, which reinforces my actions to behave in a way that makes me even happier.

The more you understand that only you can work on improving self esteem, the more you listen to yourself. You really begin to understand who you are, what works for you, what doesn't, and you get really, really comfortable with saying "no" to others. You start to tell yourself the Truth. The Truth about what you think, what you feel, and why you act the way that you do. You see yourself as you truly are and you accept it. You may want to change it, but you don't judge it. You understand why you have been so crazy or pained or unhappy all this time. You see how you have been bringing about unhappiness into your life, and its alright. It's not an issue anymore because you are telling yourself the truth about yourself. And, when you do that, you get an inner knowing that everything will be just fine. You know who you are, why you do what you do and when you must go about your business. When you have that knowing, everything that was working against you falls away. Your mind is clear and at peace and you have an unshakable sense of security. Improving self esteem has become natural and automatic. When your self-esteem rises, the essence of you are and your purpose in life is renewed.

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