How To Destress When There Is No Stress

Have you ever felt that drama and busyness follows you no matter what you do or no matter how hard you try to live a stress free life? Do you feel that as soon as you demolish one problem, another one is built up? Do you feel as though you will never learn how to destress?

"Why am I plagued with problems? Why can't I live a simpler, less stressful life?" you ask in frustration.

Have you ever considered the idea that you are the cause of all that stress? Think about it: if you are unknowingly creating all the stress, then figuring out how to destress would be tricky.

Think of yourself as the gardener of your life. You are the only one with the key to the garden's gate and your garden will only grow the seeds that you plant. When you try to remove stress from your life, it is like pulling weeds from your garden. For awhile, your garden will be weed free, but your garden isn't even really a garden. It is just a plain patch of dirt because nothing else was growing. So it is with your life, too. If your life has always been stressful, and then you eliminate the stress, your life can suddenly feel as plain as that patch of dirt.And that can be scary. Unless you bring new feelings and experiences into your life, it will be easy to let the stress worm its way back in. It is easy because stress is familiar. Likewise, if you don't plant new seeds in the clean dirt, then the weeds will come back because they have no competition from any other flowers in the garden.

Once the weeds are yanked out, you can get stuck trying to decide what to plant in your garden. It is hard to imagine what a healthy and thriving garden would look like. Likewise, when you remove the drama and stress from your life, it can be hard to figure out how to enjoy life. If you could figure out how to destress, then what would a stress free life look like? What would you do if you weren't pulling the weeds of stress from your life? Such questions can be unsettling because you don't know the answers. It can be hard to figure out how to enjoy life and have authentic happiness. It's easier to remain frozen and leave the garden, like your life, unplanted.

If you have figured out how to destress and, thus, eliminated stress, like the weeds, from your life, then what are you supposed to do next? In other words, if you stop being stressed out, then what are you supposed to feel? For some people, when stress is gone, they don't know how to spend their time, and that is scary for them. It can be easier to focus on being stressed, than to focus on creating peace and tranquility. If you aren't used to authentic happiness, then being uncomfortable is more comfortable than being comfortable.

So, how can you learn how to destress and how to enjoy life more?

1. Remember that life is meant to be enjoyed. Life is meant to be happy, pleasurable, joyful, and full of love. Deep down, you already know that living a stressful life is not the way that life is supposed to be. Give yourself permission to relax. When you start to get wound up in stress, allow yourself to unravel the threads of stress from your life. Tell yourself, "It is okay for me to unwind. When I am peaceful, my life is peaceful." Or, when you tense up, take a breath and as you exhale, imagine that you are literally pushing the tension out of your body.

2. If you think that you should be doing something, question that thought, "Do I really need to be doing this? Is this busy work or is this effective action?" Feeling compelled to do something - anything - is stressful. People feel driven to constantly be striving to accomplish things. You are worried that if you relax, then you will procrastinate and end up getting nothing at all done. If you really are procrastinating, then become more aware of why you have a lack of motivation. On some level, you are choosing to do something other than going after your goals. Personally, when I find myself in this trap, it is because I am not clear on how to go after my goals. For example, today I have two goals:

1. Clean the house (I am 100% sure that I know how to do this).2. Become a better writer (I am not 100% clear on how to do this).

Since I know how to clean my house, it is the easier thing for me to do. I know how to break every chore down into baby steps: get Method cleaner and sponge from under the sink, then put on gloves, then spray counter top with cleaner, then scrub clean....you get the idea.

However, I can not picture every step of how to become a better writer. That is fuzzier for me and therefore more stressful. It would feel better to start with goal #1, since I know how to do it, and to put off goal #2. Not knowing the baby steps leading up to goal #2 makes it the more stressful task and it is tempting to default to goal #1.

The best way to figure out how to destress and get past the stress of my second goal is to break it up into easy to digest chunks: read another writer's blog posts or spend 20 minutes brainstorming creative analogies. Presto! With such clear and actionable steps, it is clear that I can practice my writing skills and I am no longer stressed out about being a procrastinator.

3. Don't worry if you have nothing to worry about. Recognize that stressing out over no longer being stressed out is a temporary phase. For example, when I was in high school, summer break came immediately after final exams. For the first couple days of summer, I found it difficult to unwind. I would be watching TV or be at the beach, and a quick pang of panic would dart through my stomach, because I would suddenly think that I should still be studying for finals. I had to consciously remind myself that exams were over and that it was OK to relax and enjoy the summer. So, you, too, should remind yourself that stress is behind you and it is OK to relax. Stressing out over not being stressed out is just part of the process of learning how to destress. It means you are becoming a more aware and more conscious human being. Resist going back to that stressful way of living by continuously practicing how to destress and soon the stress will pass.

4. If you want to learn how to destress, then keep things in perspective. When we are upset, angry, sad or stressed out, we tend to magnify the problem and make it seem bigger than it is. When you are emotional, you are much more sensitive because you are trying to protect yourself. Everyone has bad days, but, feeling that the world is working against you is a red flag that it is time to regain proper perspective.

Instead of saying, "I can't catch a break....the world is against me...things never happen for me..." try saying instead, "Realistically, I know that not everything works out perfectly. Today, somethings didn't work out. On other days, things do go in my favor. My life is balanced."

5. Staying focused on what is happening today and today only is one of the best ways for how to destress. Today is all that you have control over since you can't go back to yesterday and tomorrow isn't here. When you begin to feel stressed, stay focused on today by saying, "Today is the only day I can control. Can I handle this to do list, crisis, or negative situation today and today only? If the answer is no, then I will think of someone who can help me."

6. Separate decisions from outcomes. This is closely tied to #5 above. You can only have as much information as you have today. You can't see into the future. So, when you take action, you are taking action based on what you currently know. And, we all take the best actions and make the smartest decisions that we can based on our current information. We make the choices that we make because, at that moment in time, they were the best choices we could make. If something seemed like a good idea at the time, then you had a reason to believe it was a good idea.

If your decisions are leading to poor outcomes, then evaluate why. Was the outcome beyond your control? If yes, then don't beat yourself up. However, if the you did have control over the outcome, then use it as a learning experience. Use a bad outcome to help you improve your decision making ability. See the silver lining in a bad situation and use it to your advantage in the future. As Oprah says, "When you know better, you do better." In order to learn how to destress, you must remain positive and optimistic about your future.

7. Become more aware of the little pleasures in life.a. Sipping a steamy cup of hot cocoab. Petting a family petc. Taking a walk outsided. Close your eyes for a few seconds and listen to your heart beate. A hot showerf. A hugg. A naph. The feeling of clean sheets as you curl into bedi. The smell of your shampooj. How good it feels to smile :-)

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