Building Self Confidence

Two obstacles that I have faced throughout my life building self confidence and fear of failure. For most of my life, when fear would bubble up in my chest, I would say to myself, "Don't be afraid. You have nothing to fear. You will get through this."

Those words helped a little bit, but they were not a good long term solution because every time the fear of failure arose, I would have to silently chant those words over and over. I felt that the same trigger (fear of failure) kept arising in my life and I kept applying the same solution (repeating positive words). The way I was managing fear of failure worked OK, but it wasn't a great strategy since I had to keep doing it. The question that shifted my thinking was: How could I get better at facing fear? The answer was by building self confidence.

I realized that boosting self confidence was a great long term strategy for facing fear and, at long last, being able to go after my dreams. Building self confidence helped me to see that I should not define myself by my failures. I now see that experiencing failure in life does not mean that I am a failure as a person. I still have fears, but now I know that I have the power to face them and, no matter the outcome, I will be just fine. Being courageous about facing fear is a success in my book. If I happen to get a good outcome too, then that is icing on the cake.

I strongly believe that we are all born with the exact same ability to be happy, loving and confident people. Confidence is not genetic. Every single person is capable of building self confidence, on their own and without anyone else's help. What are good ways for building self confidence?

1. Take 20 seconds every day to just close your eyes and breathe. This is a great way to get in touch with your internal peace and happiness. It also works as an effective way of shutting out the world and remembering that you can control your thoughts and emotions.

2. Exercise at least 4 times a week. As you strengthen your mind, it makes sense to strengthen your body. The mind and the body are intertwined and each one has an impact on the other. As your thoughts become stronger, you will naturally feel more energy in your body. You will want to get up and move around. Likewise, as your body becomes stronger, it signals to the brain an "I can do this" attitude.

If you don't have a lot of time, get down and do 50 sit ups in the morning. At lunch, do 30 push ups, and after dinner take the dog for a brisk walk. Starting small is just fine....after all, starting small is still 100% more than you were doing yesterday ;-)

3. Be what you want to create. In my opinion, small gestures have immeasurable value. Do you want the world to be a happier place? Then give people a smile or rub your dog's belly for a little bit longer. Notice that the happiness in your dog's eyes is a reflection of the happiness that you feel in your soul. Do you want the world to be a kinder place? Then be kind to yourself and treat others with kindness. Do you want to help the environment? Then pick up that littered can and put it in the recycle bin. You can also hold the door open for others, be courteous when speaking on your cell phone in public, and donate gently worn clothes to a charity. As you do good, you will feel good.

4. Question negative thoughts. The next time you have a negative thought about yourself, ask two questions, "Am I 100% certain that that negative thought is true? Am I being fair to myself and kind to myself by thinking this way?" Negative thinking is a big barrier to building self confidence, but asking these questions is like knocking down the wall of fear you live behind.

5. Stop thinking, "I don't know how". This is the ultimate obstacle to building self confidence. What this really means is, "I don't know how I will actually reach the end and complete my goal." A goal is not the same as an action step. It may not be clear how you will achieve your goal, but you can absolutely think of some immediate steps to take towards completing it. For example, buying a house is a goal, but some of the first steps to achieving that goal are to get your credit report in good order and to put aside money from every pay check to be used for the down payment.

6. Every day, do something small for yourself. For me, this tip had the biggest impact on my ability to boost self confidence. Every time I did something small for myself, I felt more and more empowered. Taking care of your own needs proves that you love and care about yourself. It really helped me to stop feeling so lost. You can start with small things such as: making sure to get annual doctor and dentist check-ups, taking a 10 minute bath at the end of a stressful day, reading a few pages of a new book, going to bed 15 minutes earlier at night and before getting out of bed in the morning, taking two long, deep breaths.

If your schedule is so busy that those things seem unrealistic to do, then start at an even more basic level: practice positive self talk. Throughout the day, tell yourself, "I am a good person." After a while, you will believe it, and your energy will sky rocket. Building self confidence gets easier and easier the more you love and take care of yourself.

If you found this post helpful, please let others know by sharing it (buttons are below). I would greatly appreciate it!